Insignificant Burden

Wow, lately, that's what I've felt like. I don't know why, but I feel like I bother my friends. Do I seem to constantly nag? Constantly try to be in everyone's business? I think being alone is the cause. I guess I'm used to being with everyone at school, that being home with connections cut off, I try every chance I get. But I think that is the downfall. I feel that my friends are becoming more distant. Is it perhaps I don't have unlimited text? Is it because I dread upon trying to save friendships that have become obsolete? Maybe. I try everything I can, but nothing seems to work. I get no replies, and I think it's because of me.

Maybe it is. Maybe I pushed them away. And that just hurts. But then I take a second glance and see that...maybe, it's better this way. They have new lives. We have made all new friends and seem to forget about the others. But I simply refuse to let that feeling of repression win. I knew that at some point in time, we would go our separate ways and our friendships would cease to exist. I was afraid of that happening. I've never had something like that ever happen to me. It's almost as if death has separated us. But, nonetheless I keep trying, and I believe that is what is pushing people away even more. I'm sorry, but I think that soon, I will have to give up for good.

If what I do does not work, well then what else can I do? You go to different schools. I try to text, but never get a reply. But when you do is when I recover a small glimmer of hope. Hope that our friendship will rekindle and be reborn. I try to comment you on myspace...but the reply I get 3 days later is of no use. As time passes, I fear that my options will slowly, but surely run out.

I don't have my time left, I'm afraid, so I will try to do whatever I can. I wish that I could go back to the good old days. But I know that those days are long gone and past. I promise that I will do my best and also hope that you can return the favor.

And to all of my new and recent friends: I hope that this does not happen with you. I've realized that the chances for "Friends forever" are very slim, and only a handful are even that. I will cherish every moment I have, and also cherish the memories of those days as well. But, in the end, "Memories are nice, but that's all they are" (Rikku, Final Fantasy X). I hope that we can recover, and truly hope that maybe things can retrogress back to the way they were.

Friends, I tell you this: I will always be there for you. No matter what. No matter if you leave or if you try to discard your memory of me. No matter what, I will be there to the end. I want to strengthen our bonds and show that "Friends forever" really do exist.

Now, I will go now, and drown my sorrows in my music. That always seems to help...for a while.
I really must try to resist the "Inner Emo" (Neku Sakuraba, The World Ends With You).